My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
