It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
