So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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