white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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