i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
