You're my little dorito
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
