jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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