next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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