Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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