Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
