i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
