a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize