Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
