I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
