Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
