It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
