garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
