Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
