I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
