Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
