His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
