I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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