we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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