You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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