elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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