: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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