You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
