is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
