You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I didn't notice because vodka
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
