Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
