When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
