I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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