so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
