in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
