I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
