fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
