I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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