Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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