i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize