1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
