I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
