I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ttyl tear gas
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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