PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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