Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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