you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
