Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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