his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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