I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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