being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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