Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
