this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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