i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Congratulations! We have a period
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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