just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
