You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
