Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
