I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
