I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
