update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize