I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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