i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
