wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
