I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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