Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
