i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize