my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
operation have a gay friend backfired
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
