do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
