Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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