hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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