Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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