Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize