my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
