This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
