Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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