I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
