HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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