i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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