There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
