if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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